I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize