Pregnant stripper...not hot.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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