you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
But break dance skills will only take you so far
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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