At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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