Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize