Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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