Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
