I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
