I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
he fucked my hip out of place.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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