that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
