The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
