shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
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