I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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