this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
