She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
