There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
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