At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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