At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
