I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
