is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
