have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Randomize
