Plan B is the new Plan A
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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