forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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