She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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