her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
