When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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