I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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