i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
