Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
