So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
