Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
