I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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