A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
