I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
