i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
