mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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