The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
