but the lizard people decide everything anyway
it was like eating out sand paper
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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