apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
