2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
