I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
