Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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