No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
