just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
