She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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