that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize