You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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