dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
3pm strippers are depressing
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
