he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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