Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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