She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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