You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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