I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
