Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
