Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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