I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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