I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
