I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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