how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
