there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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