At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
