after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
should my penis look like a turkey
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
