I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
