He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
