then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
