We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Less talking, more tequila
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
