I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
