I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
