We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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