So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
