The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize