we're chasing vodka with high fives
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
