after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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