I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
